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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

A Blessing That Conquers Even A Mother

I think of my girl, the first one I carried. The first one who took my heart with her when she left my womb. And I have never gotten it back, and know I never will. 

I replaced it with another and that one got taken too . . .

Who said we only get one?  Not a mother.

I think of Juvenille Diabetes. Words spoken twelve years ago almost to this day in what was to be the merry month of May. Spoken to me in private. Spoken gently and softly so they could sink in. But they never have. I have to wonder why? She was at the doctor the other day, too old for me to go with her?

Now when I think of her I almost always think of him.  They go hand and hand.  They love each other and are beginning to make plans.  Where did the little girl with the ribbon tied around her head go?

Where did the little red-headed boy holding the lunchbox go?

 Pray with me for a mama's heart?  For thinking of him brings thoughts of another.

Papers have come and we will be seeing him off to another place like another world much too soon.  I know Tammy's plans and dreams for him did not include this.  When would fear for your child be a dream you hang your wishes on?

But what is fear?  Is it a lack of trust or faith?  Or, is it just simply consequences of a fallen world?

Is it possible to not fear for your child? 

We do not have to be involved in a physical war for us to be involved in a war.

So he will fight one and his mama will fight another.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

Wicked spirits oppose faith and love. They try to trick us or force us to an unbelief - an unbelief that is not possible because we do believe.

But there must be a fight for sin seeps from our pores.

Paul is not speaking of a wrestle of body.  But as Jacob fought, a wrestle of the soul.  And we struggle for a blessing -

I will not let go until you bless me . . .
Genesis 32

and we struggle with God and with men and we overcome.  And we limp.

And with this belief that is our shield and armour we will trust even our womb's dearest gifts to the Kingdom of the Son.

And yes, I wait for the numbers of sugar that is not sweet and yes, I ask too many questions and I hover and yes, I try to take back my role as the womb nester. 

And yes, she will jump each time the phone rings and yes, she will watch the news and read the paper with heart eyes that want to turn away.  But yes, she can't.

Yes, we can wrestle and like Jacob we can win a blessing.  And as it conquered a brother afraid and gave a new name,  it can conquer even a mother.  

6 comments:

Greg and Donna said...

I can't imagine the waiting and wondering. Maybe D can talk to Trixi ~ she does know what its like.

Anonymous said...

Prayers for both of them and both of the mammas too. I remember the first time I laid eyes on that red haired little boy. He was about a week old.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much Marie.... these scriptures I so needed to hear today. I do wrestle daily with thoughts that I should not, but thankfully when I stop and be still, I hear that small voice that tells me to Trust.... thank you for reminding me that our Father has this all in His wonderful hands. Love you bunches! Tammy

Craig said...

Beautiful – a mama’s heart on display - this is the kind of mom-ness that always leaves me in awe. Just awe. I prayed just now for your heart Rie – for the mamas hearts – and for your mama's heart - and the wrestling. God Bless and keep you and all of yours. I really hearted this post. Thank you.

Christina said...

Every mother can relate to this. As mother's we wrestle constantly. But His promises are sure. Thank you for this post today. Enjoyed visiting.

Lisa notes... said...

Praying for you and your baby girl and the love of her life. I have never been in Tammy's shoes (or yours); I can only imagine how difficult this is/will be. May the Lord grant protection. And peace. And hope! For all of you.
Blessings, friend.

Drawing of me losing my cool courtesy of budding artist, Izzy.


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. . . put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12