Mama, are you ever going to blog again? I got up this morning to read your Multitude Monday and it's not there.
My voice is tired as I answer.
Yeah Shelby, I'll blog again soon.
Okay, cause I love to read it and you haven't blogged since Wednesday.
I sigh. Tired. Hang up.
This is for them. I've told y'all that. But where do I find the energy on some days to give to them what they have come to expect? This love for them expressed in words transplanted from heart onto screen. These lessons I relearn new each day to teach them now, to try to prevent mistakes in them still made by me each day.
I look around at house dirty, school books unopened, a daughter home who needs a snuggle and a son who needs a tickle. Both who need kind words instead of exasperation.
I look at myself, a heart that needs filling, a body that needs holding. I call him and hear a machine. I sit on the bed and hear a voice. The voice of a King. He's not what you need right now, I Am.
I pick up His words and find nothing that comforts. I rise and walk away. Not today, Father, I'm not in the mood.
She calls me from the schoolroom seeking help.
I sit beside her and hear myself saying . . .
Don't just do what it says. Pause, stop. Look carefully at it and soak it in. It is nothing but a waste of your time and energy if you don't learn from it. Take the time to take it in.
My heart hurts and eyes fill. From where comes this emotion that is taking over? The tired body, the empty mind and heart? Giving till given out?
I double click, read each of my Thousand Gifts posts seperately. Refresh and remind. These are gifts to you, I say to my heart. Multitudes of blessings from Whom you won't give the time.
My list continues . . .
There are many more, but today the only ones that matter are these . . .
His patience
His forgiveness
His understanding
His love
His Forever
