I'm standing over flame on the eve of this new year, watching butter melt marshmallows in a favorite pot. The sirens have gone off and I listen to my babies playing Pick-Up-Sticks in the hall, surrounded by pillows. I think of Delia, wish she were home.
All day I've watched the weather - me, who is not a weather watcher. Unless Mama or Sandra tells me I never know till it gets here. Except today. Mama called early, said she and Daddy were coming to stay the night - bad weather coming, she said.
I had a hunch, and all day I watched.
He's Too Good To Me comes in from the porch, rushing me to the hall.
As I lean over Izzy and pray all becomes still and quiet. It is as they say. Not a sound. No wind, or rain, or loud claps of thunder. Just quiet and a stillness like no other.
Glass breaks and she cries, terrified. I lean into Izzy and tell her not to be afraid. Shelby laughs as I tell them them that the worse thing that could happen would always be the best thing. I tell Izzy to imagine pizza and a softball game with Jesus, with Josie catching the ball.
As I hear Psalms 23 coming from my mouth along with Delia's name I turn and look at Mama. She gently smiles at me and places her hand on my back.
And as the words spilled faster and louder to comfort my baby girl's fear, I was not afraid.
I know what it is like to know no fear. To know Whom I belong to. To know what is in each next breath - He is.
Later that night in bed I would wonder - where is this courage in the simple events of my day?
I must strive harder to see Him in more than the face of weather that kills. To see Him in the spills and hurt feelings and concerns of tomorrows.
And then it's over. No touch down of angry funnel, just angry wind carrying fear on its hunches.
Which is where fear belongs, on hunches. Low to be trampled by sandaled and scarred feet.
But don't we hunch our shoulders against the wind every day? Wind that carries discontentment and dread and fear that spills tears and moves lips to prayer.
And what does He tell us in Matthew 14:27?
But Jesus spoke to them at once. "Don't be afraid," He said. "Take courage. I am here!"
And what is in each next breath?
He is.
As this new year brings its fears - of weather, death, water, cancer, seperation, finances, heights, wars, or rats - I will remember . . .
When He proclaims Himself in my soul, all fear and sorrow and sin shall end.
No matter its size. It is already defeated.
No matter its size. It is already defeated.
"And God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM'; and He said, Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’" Exodus 3:14
He was yesterday, He is today, and He will be tomorrow.
Do not be afraid.
