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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Turning My Back On My Blog

I've been wondering how to post about me turning my back on my blog in the month of December.  I still don't have it right in words, but here goes my try.

My friends, I pray for you.  I pray my words make you smile, or laugh, or think.  That if they make you mad or leave a bad taste in your mouth for me, that you will remember our world is made up of differences and you might try to forgive me and love me back.

And I know some of you are lost.  Rambling around in this world without a savior.  Going through your days thinking your goodness will open a door for you one day into a world called Heaven.  That beautiful and loving forever world on the opposite shores of this one.  Where you believe good people go.  Where you believe all those who believe in God go.

But you are wrong - good, loving, and kind - but wrong.

And the month of the year when we celebrate the greatest gift forever being given out of a love no human can comprehend, I deserted instead of left words that might help you find that gift.  Help you realize that a belief in a creator and an effort to live good will take you straight to hell.

But I thought of you everyday.  I thought of my blog and what I might be saying.  But this had happened . .

Every time we want you you're at the computer.

And I heard it and had crumbled.  Truth cuts your wrist sometimes and leaves you bleeding on the floor, your being draining as you know, really know, your wrongs.

I've never been a disciplined person.  I struggle until I fall and get tired of trying and just let myself be who I think I am - instead of who I can be A child of Jesus and He can take my shortcomings and failures and undisciplined self and create the being He desires me to be. 

A being who can do more than I think I can.  A being who can discipline herself to blog and then get up and walk away.  Not spend hours reading others which leads me to more and then more.  Which is what had happened to me. 

So, I walked away, from emails and blogs  . . .  and you.

I took the month to pray and try to break bad habits and love on my babies. 

I did get your emails and calls and texts.  Sweet loving words that made me cry at times.  Words that made me realize that this little blog of mine, small and written from the heart of a wretched and weak and unworthy and oh so wrong-most-of-the-time woman, has found its little niche, and you do laugh and cry and think along with me.

So I think I'm back.  And I know I can do this better, with all the help from above.  Will you pray with me and for me that I will be a better wife and mom?  Which in turn will make me a better, more disciplined blogger.

Because time is short and precious and many of you I will see on those glorious shores of Heaven one day.  But I want to see all of you.

His name is Jesus and He is the only way.  And believing in Him is not enough.  You must accept Him, turn from the way you live, seek forgiveness and confess that He, and He alone, is Lord and Savior - and you want Him to be yours.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you Marie, for the blog, for being the kind of friend I need and want and for being the mother and wife that I admire. I look forward to reading your blog everyday. I will try to be patient when you don't post and think of your family and not myself, but it is hard. I can't help but to believe that you do this blog...for only me! I will continue to pray for you.

Love you my precious friend!
Sandra

Jennifer said...

It isn't just the blog I miss ... though I know I can always count on you to make me either laugh hard or think hard ... I just miss the connection with my friend!

You are being used to point us all to the Savior ... I will pray that you find the balance you need to continue.

Greg and Donna said...

Welcome back friend! I hope you blog many, many more times! Not having any access to a computer for a week showed me how much time I spent on here. So, I am cutting back my daytime usage! Can't wait to see you!

KTElltt said...

Marie, I get what you mean. I have been there myself and it's one of the many reasons why I deactivated my facebook, though I may get it back some day. It's so good to have an outlet for writing and remembering but not worth giving up precious family time. I hope you find and keep your balance in this new year. Missed reading your words and looking forward to more!

Drawing of me losing my cool courtesy of budding artist, Izzy.


Have a dressed up day!


. . . put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12