Have a dressed up day!

Friday, September 9, 2011

I see the concern in her eyes and she pulls me close and tells me,

She said she really had her feelings hurt.

Of course she did, I say.  I would have, too.

And I feel it.  The pain of guilt.  The sting of my neglect.

I strain and try to remember why I had failed her so.  I try to remember something so that I can dismiss the reality of the truth.

Wasn't her pain during the months when the pain here stole all services from me but one?  Missed Sunday after Sunday after Sunday.

I try to remember that far back so that I can excuse?  Yes.

And is the holy day my only day to love?  

Does that service of joined fellowship with Jesus lovers replace my servanthood when it should only enhance what the heart knows to do? 

  Do I think my life and my time and my pain is heavier than hers?

Then I do not know.  I have not learned. 

For I am wrong and my love is spinning backwards and away. 

And still I learn these lessons again. 

And isn't every day - every moment - every breath holy?

There is only one service and doubling the meaning only defines my failure.

So I write and I stamp and I pray words on paper can tear down the brick between us I cradled and mortared with sloppy heart.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your writing is beautiful but so sorry for the pain. I know it isn't God's will for friends to hurt each other but it happens all the time. Maybe that is part of the "we only hurt the ones we love" thing. I have shared about some pain on my blog as well. It's called "Handle With Care" if you would like to stop by and read.


Drawing of me losing my cool courtesy of budding artist, Izzy.

Have a dressed up day!

. . . put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12