I lost something recently that was important to me. I was not ready to give it up. I was getting ready. I had already made the decision to walk away from it and spend the time I dedicate to it on something else - like maybe my mop.
But my hand was forced, and even though the decision was mine, I still had it taken from me. Understand?
Harmony. It's a beautiful word. It rolls off the tounge and causes visions of people working side by side for a greater purpose than themselves. Equal. That's another beautiful word. Say it. It sounds strong.
Agenda. Rules. No exceptions. Deceit.
Those are ugly words. Shame-on-you words. Shame-on-me words.
Forgiveness, now that's a fine word. It's beautiful and strong, but there is a problem with it. It can be a hard pill to swallow. I'm still working on it, and I have moments where I am aching to strike back, but instead . . .
"The answer, thank God, is Jesus Christ. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different." Romans 7:25, The Message
there He is, gently whispering,
How do I do it? How do I stand up for what is right silently? How will they see, how will they know?
There it is again,
Then the greatest power of all says one more thing. Quietly, so quietly that I can drown it out with anger if I try.
My Child, let me do it. In my own time, in my own way.
This isn't the first time He has said this to me. When will I learn?
But I am still not satisfied. Why? Because I want to do it. I want to fix it. I am a fixer - which is what gets me into most of my trouble, including this.
So God and I had a conversation. All day, every day, for several days. I raise my voice. I do that. Ask, let's see, oh yeah - anyone that knows me. I am a voice raiser. He listens, over an over, and then He gently says . . .
You got it. But come back tomorrow and I'll tell you what I said. I'm not finished. Thankfully, He gets me and He deals with me.