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Friday, February 12, 2010

Our List of Should Not's (in which he lies)

First of all, let me repeat how I ended yesterday's post.

He's Too Good To Me and I have been through some deep valleys together - really deep. One day I'm gonna tell you all about it, I'm still working on my nerve - and telling my children first. 

Just saying that so you know that these reasons we shouldn't love one another - they don't hold a candle to the reasons we do.























His list comes first.  It is my right and prerogative as a woman, and the owner of this blog, to put it in any order I want - and I choose for you to see all his bad stuff last so you will forget about all my bad stuff. There, that's done.

His twenty-one reasons why he should not love me.  He gets straight to the point.

#1  -  she makes me write on her blog.

#2  -  she thinks she is right all of the time.  Be sure to check in tomorrow to his list and catch the irony.

#3  -  she kicks me out of bed for snoring.

#4  -  she is not a morning person.  And that, my friends, is an understatement. 

#5  -  she has no patience.  And that, my friends, is an understatement.

#6  -  she never just sits and does nothing.

#7  -  she forgets my birthday.

#8  -  she doesn't want me to have short hair.  come on baby, tell the truth, you mean shaved hair.

#9  -  she laughed when I asked her to marry me.

#10 - she stays at home too much.

#11 - she doesn't think my IPhone is cool.  refer to rie's #15.

#12 - she won't go to the doctor.

#13 - she hogs most all of the bed.

#14 - she thinks everything is too expensive.

#15 - she does not keep the interior of her car clean. 

#16 - she thinks she has the memory of an elephant.

#17 - she has a ridiculously bad sense of timing - especially when it comes to her memory.

#18 - she makes me carry an icechest to put her blizzards in - which she makes me go get.

#19 - N/A

#20 - N/A

#21 - N/A

excuse me y'all, while I go smooch my husband.
















Now my list, and as usual, I'll ramble.

Twenty-one reasons why I should not love him.  In no particular order.

#1  -  he lied about his age. right. up. until. the. moment. we. got. our. marriage. license. the kicker - he only told the truth then because his parents had to sign for him.  the double kicker - his mom had to tell me.

#2  -  he doesn't have any gray hair that shows (excluding his beard) - which makes him look ten years (instead of the two he is)  younger than me when I forget or am too lazy to color and my hair gets all nappy and wirey and gray.

#3  -  he cannot spell - which means he asks me - which means I must admit ever so often to not knowing everything - which goes against the natural grain of my being.

#4  -  he snores. 'Nuff said there, right ladies?  Squoosh on over here and let's talk about how bad our men snore.
 
#5  -  he does not like chicken.
 
#6  -  he won't eat my chicken, in spite of #5.
 
#7  -  he won't fix the backdoor.
 
#8  -  he won't watch Turner Classic Movies with me late at night - which means I don't get to take Cary Grant or William Holden or Jimmy Stewart to bed with me.
 
#9  -  he rarely does anything the first time he is told asked.
 
#10 - he doesn't like to grill - I thought all men liked to grill.
 
#11 - he falls asleep while I'm talking - go figure.
 
#12 - he forgets to pump my gas so I don't have to - they really should rewrite the marriage vows, Wilt thou love, honor, obey, and pump her gas for her so she doesn't have to?
 
#13 - he doesn't have stretch marks, cellulite, or a fallen butt.
 
#14 - he hates to read.
 
#15 - he plays with his IPhone too much, especially when I'm rambling about something.
 
#16 - he won't put me up a new mailbox.
 
#17 - he procrastinates - which explains the back door, and the mailbox, and . . .
 
#18 - he has a metabolism that works - compared to mine that retired years ago.
 
#19 - I believe you can build a new shed out back out of anything old laying around or any old torn down buildings you see.  I call it recycling.  He calls it impossible.
 
#20 - he rarely does anything the first time he is told asked.  I know, I've already said that, but it bears repeating.
 
#21 - he can't be fixed.

But . . .


who cares?

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Drawing of me losing my cool courtesy of budding artist, Izzy.


Have a dressed up day!


. . . put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12